Every so often I need to take a break from the “news,” as we euphemistically term it, and turn my attention elsewhere. This was one such week. I’m not sure if the breaking point was that the final, final, final, deadline for caving into Iraq in the nuclear “negotiations” had come and gone. Or was it Hillary’s hilarious declaration that “She had never received a subpoena from the House’s Benghazi committee regarding her submitting her emails,” a copy of which Congressman Trey Gowdy held up before the camera for all to see and to which Ms. Clinton’s lawyers had filed a response.
If Ms. Clinton were an ordinary American business, had developed an advertising campaign and introduced her product in print and on the air with the same amount of truthfulness in which she expresses her past activities, there would be a class action lawsuit filed on behalf of all those who had purchased her product, relying on her statements about how her product works. But sadly, far too many of us simply do not pay attention and are willing to believe and buy anything that our politicians, Ms. Clinton being the poster child for this example, sets forth and accept it, if they hear it at all, as Gospel truth – or whatever passes for absolute verity in today’s society. Regarding Clintonionism, this quote comes to mind:
“The only thing that sustains one through life is the consciousness of the immense inferiority of everybody else, and this is a feeling that I have always cultivated.”
– Oscar Wilde
It really is an amazing phenomenon that the masses hear constant homilies from the over-privileged and under-qualified, those who are at the top of the political and pop culture food chain about how they are under-privileged, victims of an unfair system gamed by those in power to keep them in total and permanent subjection and not realize that it is those who are speaking who are, in fact, the very ones who are doing all within their power to make sure that theses poor slobs remain in their lowly estate. And in this effort, there is no more staunch or sycophantic co-conspirator than the media.
“By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, journalism keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.”
– Oscar Wilde
I believe that quoting Mr. Wilde is permitted under the current rules. As we now know, he was a bisexual which is a state of being that is very much in vogue but to his discredit he was white, male and far too witty for most of his audience to truly understand his “bon mots”. Well, the wonderful thing about freelance blogging is that I needn’t worry about the imposition of censorship by an editor or the opinion of the masses – at least for the moment.
But where is this all leading – and why the title for this post?
Perhaps you’ve heard about the ongoing taxpayer funded studies in which the government paid for professorial investigations into the causes of why it is that people die. That would seem to be an admirable inquiry. So they gave grants to a group of esteemed scientists to research this important issue.
These brilliant minds looked at the mystery of life and death. First they noted that many of their parents and almost all of their grandparents had passed from this veil of tears. And not one of them had a single great grandparent alive – and they further discovered there was no one living who had been born in the eighteenth century or earlier. No, not a single one.
This, of course, caused a great deal of discussion over many bottles of Merlot as these intellectual titans tried to find a common thread which would account for all of this being born and then being dead. And, in fact, they reached a conclusion. What they discovered was that during the course of their lives, all of these people ate stuff, without exception. And, without exception, all of them were dead. Obviously, eating – or at least eating the things that we have for centuries – ultimately leads to death.
Well, even with as obvious a connection as this, only 97% of these scientists concurred that eating was the cause of these ultimate deaths, the other three percent apparently being so traumatized at this revelation that they were consigned to a lifetime regimen of lithium and sequestered away to one of our finer loony bins where they will ultimately not be cured of their delusions nor ever returned to society to mingle among the rest of us. Nor will they be allowed to express an opinion which challenges the newly established orthodoxy on this subject.
This is far-fetched you food deniers might say. But think about it. It’s only been three years since Mickey D’s stopped using “pink slime” in the preparation of their hamburgers and, not meaning to take away anything from the controversy that Donald Trump has stirred up with his comments, why is it that virtually all Mexican food has an appearance of something that has been pre-masticated, partially digested and then regurgitated to be consumed later by someone else? Can eating that really be good for you?
But to believe that the main stream medium will report on this important topic is far from likely. So, other than those who read this blog and spread the word, will the truth of the cause of man’s mortality ever be revealed? Fortunately, I think it will – and the source will be one which is most unexpected. It will come from some flash in the pan member of our pop culture – or so I predict. Perhaps the vehicle for this revelation will be the twenty-two year old Ariana Grande who has already demonstrated an ability to put her tongue where it ought not to be. And if not her, there is an ample supply of such people who might get the job done.
Perhaps there is someone even now in Hollywood who has had a Shirley Maclaine experience and to whom the truth has been revealed. (Or perhaps they simply have taken some sort of hallucinogenic drug, got the munchies and in the process of crawling around their 23,000 square foot pied à terre happened upon their cat’s litter box). And there, clumped in a bit of kitty litter, is the solution to mankind’s mortality and their craving for a quick snack – cat poop – and by extension dog poop.
Now think about it. There are an estimated 160 million dogs and cats in the United States who regularly provide us with poop, which we have viewed, until now, as something that is destined for a landfill. What a tragic waste of the perfect food substance – already pre-digested by another animal so we don’t have to put stress on our own bodies by attempting to extract all those elusive nutrients. And in the case of cat poop, there’s also the added advantage of being able to ingest a bit of litter which provides our bodies with a bit of roughage.
This could spark an entire new industry, job growth and an end to poverty in the country. And not only would this mean jobs and an end to hunger in America and ultimately the entire world, we could export our excess animal poop to Mexico, thus restoring the balance of trade in favor of the U. S. But the best part of this is that our friends to the south might not even notice a difference in the appearance of the food they set forth on the family table. No advertising campaign necessary.
America – Eat Sh*t And Dine!