Perhaps too many of us have fallen prey to the syndrome of not being able to see the forest for the trees when it comes to Obamacare. I believe that I am guilty of that.
Sure, Republicans are hoping that this grand scheme falls on its face because they envision billion dollar increases in taxpayers’ expense to fund subsidies and millions of new patients enrolling in Medicaid costing even more billions; if successful in meeting its enrollment goals, they expect that there will be rationing of services; they wonder who will treat the American public as more and more medical practitioners voluntarily choose not to accept the new order; and, most frightening, how will this be administered by a regime that cannot develop a website.
The Democrats on the other hand, are praying to any god who will listen that the website will be repaired and that zillions of the uninsured will enroll; that the President didn’t really say what millions heard on dozens of occasions – obviously the result of a mass delusion; that the cause of cancer will ultimately be proven to be the fault of George W. Bush; and that right thinking people don’t really have to get sick if only they sing Kumbaya loudly enough.
Well, if I say so myself, I have come up with a way to solve all these problems. If Obama could get a Nobel Peace prize, I expect to be awarded with something at least ten times grander. And the answer is RoboDoc.
Think about all the advantages of having an Artificial Intelligence robot taking care of your medical needs. I am going to offer a list which I believe sets forth some of the primary benefits but is anything but all-inclusive.
First, RoboDoc will never misdiagnose your condition. He/She/It will always have the most current medical knowledge automatically downloaded to His/Her/Its processor. No longer will a patient have to worry about getting the wrong prescription for a particular illness.
Second, RoboDoc will be available 24/7. Those of us who remember house calls will certainly look back with fondness at having RoboDoc available whenever we need Him/Her/It.
Third, there will no longer be a need to get an appointment with RoboDoc just so that you can get a referral for another appointment with a specialist. RoboDoc will be able to do it all, from Internal Medicine to Surgery to Psychiatry.
Fourth, with so many medical practitioners in this country whose origin and accents are foreign, we will no longer mistake the doctor’s telling us “You’re going to die,” with “Have a nice day.”
Fifth, since RoboDoc will always know the right thing to do and do it according to the most recent protocols, there will be no left over sponges or scalpels left in patients who require surgery, nor will anyone who is in to have a mole removed have his right hip replaced.
Sixth, since RoboDoc will always do His/Her/Its job absolutely perfectly, there will be no further need for medical malpractice insurance or plaintiffs’ lawyers – thus saving the taxpayers countless billions.
Seventh, once assembled, RoboDoc will be fully operational. This will eliminate countless wasted years in medical school and interning in hospitals, not to mention those nasty expensive student loans that hang so cumbersomely around the necks of those who are studying to become doctors.
Eighth, the savings to the healthcare system from not needing to pay the RoboDocs will more than cover the cost of developing this AI miracle of modern medicine. The only cost associated after the initial outlay will be finding an appropriate green energy power source to recharge His/Her/Its batteries.
Well, as I said, I could go on and on extolling the virtues of RoboDoc. No doubt you have some excellent ideas of your own. There are only a few minor drawbacks which come to mind.
The corps of RoboDocs will have thousands of patient records in memory and might be the target for cyber-terrorists who seek to profit from this information. So we build in a self-destruct protocol should any unauthorized person attempt to access it. While this will destroy the RoboDoc unit, it will also take out one of the terrorists, thus saving us time and money by avoiding a lengthy trial. And this would make patient information more secure than on a poorly designed government website.
But the one that gives me goose bumps is the thought of those cold digits, poking and probing during the course of a proctology exam. That sends shivers up and down my spine.