It is one day short of two weeks since my wonderful golden companion, Spenser died. Two weeks of feeling an incredible emptiness and sense of loss. Two weeks of functioning and getting by – going through the motions – but without a sense of joy or real purpose. His companion of five years, Gracie has been exhibiting those feelings as well.
Thank goodness that I discovered the wonderful world of blogging in October. This has been a therapeutic outlet – an opportunity to devote myself to something that momentarily takes my mind off Spenser.
Blogging has been my focus the last two weeks. Blogging and taking Gracie to the dog park.
Although she’s over 100 pounds, (I introduce her to people as “my Lane Bryant girl”), I think that Gracie thinks of herself as a lap dog. Perhaps because so many of her friends in the neighborhood are small, she is more comfortable with dogs their size than her own. When we go to the park she is more interested in peering through the fence at all the little nippers that are on the other side than playing with the ones in the big dog area.
This morning, at the far entrance, a man came in with his three golden retrievers – a father, mother and a daughter. Gracie saw them as they made their way in through the set of double gates and took off at top speed to meet them. She came up to them her tail wagging as fast as it could as she sniffed each of the three and allowed them to sniff her back.
Suddenly, her tail stopped. She turned around and began a slow lope back to where I was standing. It was obvious that she was hoping that one of these was her Spenser – and she realized that none of them was.
That dogs experience pain and loss is so very clear to me. So even if they don’t shed tears – it’s okay.
I have enough for both of us.